yea, tooth ache. got my upper right wisdom tooth pulled on monday. today is the worst i’ve felt. but the meds are kicking in. I told my cube mates not to be surprised if my forehead hits the keyboard. hydrocone knocks me out… as well as the pain. i’d rather be sleepy than in pain.
im a trooper. still here. still working. still bitching =]
i’ve been so attached to my “gadgets” that i’ve not held a real book in a couple of weeks. this weekend i plan on rectifying this. i have the hunger games first book in my purse. it shall be completed before the weekend is. i love my weekends.
i’m just sitting in my cube looking at all the shit stuff i have to do, slowly drinking my warm coffee. i smell like i stepped out of the shower, sitting in the lotus position in the god awful office chair. and clearly i’m procrastinating.
i knew one day it would happen. and i felt that day approaching. but still…
while washing dishes after dinner, coop came to me. he was in a talkative mood. i appreciate that more being that he is a pre-teen. i like that he can carry a conversation with me AND look at me at the same time. coop began to nonchalantly tell me about the valentines that were available at school.
"like a chocolate rose, or a real rose and stuff like that." coop said
i continued washing. my heart breaking because i knew. i knew that his heart had begun to blossom.
after a moment of silence, “so would you like to send someone a valentine?” i asked
"oh! no!!" laughed cooper
i continued washing and rinsing. i looked up. he was still looking at me. i know him. he is my oldest. out of the three boys, he is most like me.
"how bout if i give you money, and if you feel like it, you can buy a valentine."
coop looked dubiously at me. “nah”
"you won’t even have to tell me who it’s for. or if you did." i coaxed. "you can just have the money, just in case"
"ok. that’s cool." coop replied as he went back to his video gaming.
and just like that, my oldest, my baby, my little boy with blond curly hair decided to share his huge heart with another.
i’m feeling a different kind of heartbreak. the one that comes from knowing that it’s right and natural to let go. but i will always be his first love. <3